Poetry the Universe Writes to Itself: Aging and the Gifts of Friendship

Friends can bring us back to ourselves. Over Thanksgiving with old friends, we each see ourselves in the others. Three of us have known each other for 57 years and we’ve come together for over 40 of those years to share the holiday together. We were freshman in the same college dorm at the University of Michigan. Our future wives entered our lives not long afterwards, anywhere from one to seven or eight years later. We see in each other how we’ve aged, faced threats and tribulations, pains, and losses, inspirations, and successes. How we are facing life now.

 

And it’s all out there for us to talk about. Right in front of us. Each friend with their own gifts and limitations. We give each other tips, perspectives to help us prepare for the next months, years, moment. We talk about illnesses, present and past work experiences, roof repairs, water pics, other friends, podcasts, music videos, movies, books, philosophy, and sleep. Sleep is so tenuous for half of us who, each night, have no idea how much or where in the house we will sleep. Nothing is assumed. We speak of dreams and family members. Deaths and losses. The threats to our world.

 

And then there’s the joy. So much to be grateful for. For the food, certainly. And sure, it’s an old stereotype, but all the men played football in one form or another when we were young, yet none of us attended a football game after our sophomore year. After a few years of college, it seemed so meaningless and violent. But sometime in our 50s, we began to pay attention once again and listen for scores. Especially Michigan v Ohio State. This year, we watched together, shouting and cheering. Even the women were drawn in by the drama and emotion. And then my wife and I had to leave early to return home. Ohio State was ahead by 3 points.

 

But about 3 hours later, still on the road, my wife checked her phone for the score. Michigan 45, Ohio State 23. We won. We actually won. We called our friends. What a celebration ensued.

 

And when we arrived home ⎼ we have 3 cats, but we couldn’t find any of them. They hide from our cat-sitter even though she feeds and talks to them. Sometimes, they punish us for leaving by not showing up. But this time, in 5 minutes or so, one emerged from the basement, one appeared by the door as we brought in the suitcases. Twenty minutes or so later, the third came up behind us, crying. They all cried for food and contact. And when my wife and I sat down later to eat dinner, they sat with us.

 

This year, something extra sat with us. There was a darkness in the house not attributable to the night. A warning in the air, or in me. How many more of these returns do we have? Aging is not about winning but presence. In the dark was a reminder to take in this moment more deeply. To embrace it as much as possible. To do everything I could to give back. This is all there is ⎼ feel it. Enjoy it. Be thankful for what we can be thankful for. Be kind, caring, even if it hurts. Pet the cats, love my wife. And maybe we will let more of the light in….

 

**If you live in Georgia, please vote on Tuesday, Dec. 6, to help protect your right to vote, the right for women to make their own health care choices, to protect the environment, Medicare, and Social Security ⎼ to help stop the politics of hate. Bring water, a photo ID, and friends. No matter where you live, you can help get out accurate voting information.

 

***To read the whole post, please go to The Good Men Project.

The Dream that Heals and the River that Flows Through Us

Recently, just before having a scary medical test, I had a dream that I not only remembered afterwards in detail, but which greatly affected me. Actually, remembered might not be the most accurate way to describe what happened, because I was partly awake even while I was dreaming.

 

In the dream, I was visiting the city of my birth and wanted to call my parents. They were back in the home where I grew up, even though they had moved out of that house several years before either my mom’s or my dad’s death. And in the dream, I knew all this, knew they had died years ago. Yet, I still wanted to call them on the phone, but I had forgotten their phone number.

 

Suddenly, I was with a group of friends entering a restaurant not far from my parent’s old home, not far from my old home. The friends and I had reservations for dinner. But I decided to quickly walk to my parent’s house, tell them I would come by after dinner and stay the night, and I’d get their phone number.

 

When I got to the house, I looked in the front window. Both my parents were there. They were entertaining other couples. But they had a security guard at the door, a tall, strong man standing in a darkened area of the front porch. The guard knew about me, had heard stories from my parents. He even told me about his own son who was training in the martial arts. But he wouldn’t let me in without checking my ID. I showed him my driver’s license and he said I could enter.

 

As soon as I did, I was swept up in the feel, the atmosphere of the past. I was there, in my old home, with my parents very fully there, right there, and yet I also knew they were no longer alive.

 

Then I woke up. Somehow, dreaming this dream changed my whole emotional situation. I felt good, no longer afraid of the medical test, or maybe anything. It was not that I felt my parents could, now, speak to me. But seeing them made my past come alive ⎼ and was possibly telling me something about my future. About not fearing death, maybe? Or about fear itself? About reality?

 

We wander to so many places in our dreams, and we can dream and wander both while asleep and awake. Daydreams, and all manner of thoughts and images can run around our minds all through the day, accessing the same river of imagery as night dreams.

 

The dream clearly reminded me how much I missed my parents and that they were still with me, as me. And that includes so much more than their DNA. No one is perfect, but my parents, more than anyone, taught me to love. But was the security guard a gatekeeper to a mythic realm or heaven, or maybe a form of Charon without his ferryboat, taking my dream mind to the other shore? And why had I forgotten their phone number?…

 

**To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.

 

Ancient Lessons About Reducing Anxiety and Embracing the World

Despite feeling tremendous relief just a few nights ago, when Catharine Masto Cortez was declared the winner of the Nevada Senate race and my wife, and I, danced around the living room⎼ today I feel heavy once again. Why is that? I was so happy the Democrats exceeded expectations and maintained control of the Senate. The outpouring of support for the rights of women and to vote has clarified for all that the GOP war for autocracy can be stopped.

 

But sometimes, we get so caught up in a situation, a worry, expectation, and lose any perspective. We might be too frightened, traumatized, or invested and we see things only one way, as if the moment stood isolated in time. And we lose sight of how the situation came to be.

 

We might lose sight, for example, of just how traumatized we all were by past threats and those still looming. We have the GOP barely gaining control of the House and, of course, keeping control of the Supreme Court. And their leaders, DJT and others like him, are still threatening to seize the Presidency, avoid prosecution for their crimes, and impose their will on the rest of us. And the chaos they might yet cause, with their program of hate, lies, and division, and denying the factual results of this and past elections.

 

But not only is no human an island but no moment. The past sets up the present, as this moment educates the next. One moment’s mistake can lead either to another mistake ⎼ or to insight, when we can allow our heart, mind, and senses to be open to it.

 

I was reading a book by Joan Sutherland, a Zen meditation teacher, called Through Forests of Every Color: Awakening with Koans. In chapter two, she talked about how a new form of Zen developed in China in the eighth century in response to catastrophic times. Over just ten years, two-thirds of the population died due to rebellion, invasion, famine, and disease. The Tang dynasty of the time went from a flourishing empire to, afterwards, a barely surviving one, where life was so tenuous.

 

Of course, this mirrored back to me our own time, marked as we know too well, with so much disease, so many climate disasters, and the threats mentioned earlier of violence, and the attempted destruction of our democratic form of government.

 

No moment is the same as any other, but how did people, in awful times in the past, or going through awful times today, cope? Can we today, or those from the past, reveal ways of living that can help us through the pain to something we could welcome, to ways of living that meet our needs and strengthen our humanity?

 

I especially look to people like Zen adepts, those who have spent years studying the mind, body, and heart, and living harmoniously with others and nature. According to Sutherland, the Zen adepts and innovators of the 8th century,  realized that trying to escape their world through a narrow path to personal peace or religious ceremony would not serve them or their culture. They needed a sense of immediacy and, awful as it was, they got it….

 

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.

Right Now, Election Fatigue is Just Part of What It Means to Be a Caring Human Being

Outside, it’s cold. In the 30s. As it should be in November. The trees, except, of course, the evergreens, are bare, brown, and leafless. Yet the sky is that deep morning blue. And it feels like it will warm up. Even though I’ve been enjoying the warmth lately, almost a week in the 70s, it’s a disconcerting warmth, almost scary in being so unseasonable.

 

Last night, election night, I kept checking in on the results until around midnight, when I went to bed. And then I had an interesting time watching my mind.

 

Rachel Maddow and others from MSNBC had earlier talked about surprising results showing that Democrats could possibly hold onto Congress. And many DJT picked candidates, awful and unfit for office, like Herschel Walker in Georgia, Mehmet Oz in Pennsylvania, and Lauren Boebert in Colorado, could all lose. And these losses would show the GOP how much of a liability DJT was. And this would, ideally, lead the GOP to renounce DJT and all he represents.

 

For too many GOP, all that mattered was their power. Absolute power with an absolute ruler. Competence didn’t matter to them. Ethical behavior didn’t matter to them. Serving the people, and working to “establish justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty…” ⎼ the constitution didn’t matter to them.

 

Many didn’t seem to realize that if they served an absolute ruler, their power would depend on HIM (if it’s a him, and it would be). They’d lose any independence. Their future, their character, their well-being, all up to HIM.

 

And for me, in the dark of night, there was such a wondrous desire to say “we could win this. We could maintain control of Congress. We could hold onto the chance to promote justice and domestic tranquility, and act to benefit the welfare of all the people.” But I couldn’t say that out loud, not even out loud for only my own inner ears to hear. I couldn’t risk jinxing it. What ego, to think my thoughts so powerful! So, I listened as deeply as I could until the sound of moonlight filled the room.

 

Then thoughts of the worst scenario showed up. I felt afraid. My stomach tensed, my hands reached up, knocking off the quilt that covered me. I heard lines from different GOP, like Marjorie Taylor Greene, saying the first action of a new GOP House would be to impeach Merrick Garland. Then maybe impeach President Biden and destroy the remnants of democracy. The whole legion of DJT followers, election deniers, spreaders of disinformation, were all ready to deny any elections they’ve lost once again. All working to take away health insurance protections, Social Security, voting and abortion rights, working to turn the US into a a wasteland of lies, resentment, and hate. All to serve the mad quest for absolute power….

 

**To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.

After the Vote, the Wait: Facing the Chaos of Numbers, Avoiding Deception, and then, Please, Let There Be News to Celebrate!

After the vote, we listen. We watch, and we breathe.

 

We know this has been an intensely stressful time, stressful few months, stressful 6 years. We know so much is at stake.

 

We face the chaos of listening to changing numbers on the news, the mad attempt to know before we can know, to get it over with. To be at peace. To feel safe ⎼ while too many of the GOP do all they can to interfere in and make sure we distrust democracy, foster hate, demonize and threaten with violence any opposition. We remember Jan. 6, Buffalo, Charlottesville, the attack on Paul Pelosi⎼ and so much more.

 

We know it will take many hours, or probably days, maybe weeks. Only later will we seriously consider what we did right, and what more we could do in the future. Now, we know we voted. We did something. We’re only one person amongst millions.

 

So, we breathe in and out as gently as we can and recognize the tension in ourselves. We’re as kind as possible to everyone around us because we know we need kindness ourselves. We need patience.

 

Only with this kind intensity can we then think clearly. Observe clearly. We assume nothing until we have sufficient fact-based information and analysis to know for sure. And then we’ll be ready for whatever happens and able to do what’s needed to protect and expand democracy, our future, and the well-being of our communities.

Do Not Assume. Research, Then Vote: For the GOP to Claim They Care About Violence Against Most Americans Is Laughable

It’s easy to make assumptions in all areas of life. Back in 2016, many people who opposed DJT assumed he could never win and so didn’t vote at all. Who would vote for a racist, narcissistic tv personality and real estate developer except other racist developers?

 

Even today, people might assume they know what will happen in some of the elections. For example, we might assume a Democratic incumbent Governor in New York, Kathy Hochul, will easily defeat a GOP challenger who still repeats lies about the 2020 election and opposes abortion rights for women. But according to FiveThirtyEight, Governor Hochul holds, now, only a 6 point advantage in polls. 6 points is wonderful, but in New York I’d expect it to be more.

 

According to Quinnipiac, crime is the most often cited issue in the New York election and the GOP are supposedly winning that issue. Is that reporting and polling accurate? Republicans have been using it to drown out the tides of anger about their  program of taking away a woman’s right to control her own healthcare, right to abortion, and family planning, or anger about the GOP assault on voting rights and democracy.

 

The GOP have incited violent crime throughout the nation, opposed efforts to reduce gun violence, and threatened with violence anyone who opposed them, Democrat or Republican.

 

The Jan. 6 investigation revealed that DJT not only incited but tried to lead the Jan. 6 assault on our nation. Since then, there’s been a record rise in attacks on members of Congress. On Friday, 10/28, a follower of DJT, inspired by lies and hate speech against Democrats, broke into Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s home, and assaulted her husband with a hammer. Then Fox disinformation media host Jesse Watters suggested the suspected attacker, who fractured Mr. Pelosi’s skull, should be released from jail, because “people get hit by hammers all the time.”

 

The GOP leader not only incited an attack on the US Congress, but consistently acted to undermine the rule of law. States under their control suffer more violent crime than states led by Democrats. So, for them to try to pretend to care about the rule of law or stopping crime (except when it’s directed at them) or for anyone in the media to support their claim is laughable.

 

Even now, the GOP are calling on people to use the threat of violence to intimidate voters, as in Arizona where armed followers of DJT’s lies are trying to frighten voters from putting their ballots in drop boxes. The GOP are purposefully de-stabilizing society by undermining community feeling and trust, creating fear, and inciting hate in the form of racism against black, brown, and Asian-Americans, anti-Semitism, hate of LGBTQ+ people and others.

 

When we feel we have little or no power or are hurting, we might assume we know what we don’t know. The realm of what we don’t know is always infinitely larger than what we do know. We use the illusion of knowing what will happen to bury our anxiety in the face of an unknown and possibly frightening future. But this tactic can make the situation worse….

 

*To read the whole piece, please go to The Good Men Project.

What We Once Had, We Might Not Have Ever Again: Speaking for the Majesty of an Eagle Taking Flight

Listen. It’s raining. Luckily, it’s not yet snow. For the last four or five years, we have become more aware of how extreme and precious the rain can be, switching between either drought or flood. It comes like a storm, harsh, or like a shadow, then it’s gone.

 

But not today. The rain is steady, and the sound is beautiful. Like the sound of crickets and cicadas, the wind, and the waves of the sea, it’s absorbing and surprisingly comforting. For the moment, it even washes away any anxiety over the election.

 

Even the muted light is soothing today.

 

I notice the fallen leaves, yellow, burnt orange, a bit of startling red. The leaves almost cover the deep green grass, which is eagerly drinking in the rain. The earth is thirsty.

 

I close my eyes and just listen. The sound gets more distinct. There are currents in the rain. The pace of falling water speeds up, creating a wind of rainwater pushing against my body even though I am in the house. Then it softens to barely a whisper. What before seemed steady and continuous is now revealed as something else, something unique in its pace. When I simply listen, there is more to hear.

 

Two days ago, my wife and I drove into town. From the opposite side of the road, just before the farm stand where we buy corn in season, an eagle rose out of the tall grass. Majestically and ever so slowly, it took flight right in front of a dark van. Its wingspan was wider than the van, yet somehow the eagle wasn’t hit. It flew off in front of my car window, unhurt. But the driver of the van barely maintained control of his vehicle and then pulled off the road and stopped.

 

We can easily assume so much. That one moment will be like the previous one. We walk out of the memory of yesterday’s door and drive on our memory of yesterday’s road.

 

We might assume that because we can (hopefully) vote, now, or because we have (hopefully) protections on the job now, or can get Social Security, or healthcare, we will have it tomorrow. We might tell ourselves or others we will have it no matter who wins the election on Tuesday, November 8. But as the GOP have said, all this can and will end if they win control, just as they work to take away a woman’s right to make decisions regarding her own health and when or if to have a family.

 

We need reassurance that our world won’t totally flip over on us. But to get that, we must pay enough attention, and be ready to act, so we’re not shocked when today almost slams into the windshield of our car….

 

 

*This is an update of a blog from October, 2020.

 

**Please go to The Good Men Project to read the whole article.

The Art of Knowing and Truly Befriending Ourselves

I look outside the window right now and see maple trees with orange and reddish yellow leaves reaching into a tender blue sky. And lower down, green leaves, with burnt red Virginia creeper clinging to maples all cabled together with grape vines. And lower still, deutzia and lilac and honeysuckle.

 

But just five hours ago, none of this. The moon was out, and the night was day. After waking up unexpectedly at 5 am, I looked out a window and didn’t know what year or millennia it was. There before me was something ancient. The trees and bushes were all constituted of shadows, timeless shadows. And the rest was silvered by a unique light, a softened glow.

 

During the day, we see the ten thousand things of the world distinguished by specific details and the spaces between them. But in the moonlight, the edges grew fainter. There was light and shadow, but nothing else sharply divided or defined. Everything was softened and somehow linked. Nothing stood on its own; the whole scene was so engrossing. And the moonlight made mind light, made all my thoughts and feelings, so noticeable.

 

And then this morning I picked up a book I had been reading a week or so ago, Hunger Mountain: A field Guide to Mind and Landscape by David Hinton. It describes walks he had taken on Hunger Mountain in Vermont and includes discussions both of Chinese poetry he had translated and of Taoist cosmology inspiring those walks.

 

In the first chapter of the book was a poem I had read before; it was by the Chinese poet, Tu Fu, titled “Moonrise”. I read again about the new moon, and the ancient, changeless “Star River” and “White/dew dusts the courtyard.” And I realized that last night it was Tu Fu looking out my window.

 

We normally think of things at a distance. Words can do that. They are abstractions, usually. And we are the distance the words create, or what distances. We think of ourselves in a manner that separates us from whom we speak to or about. We all have thoughts, plans, dreams, sensations, emotions filling our mind and heart. The ego self is what glues us to some of these stimuli and excludes us from the rest.

 

Many people would argue that it wasn’t Tu Fu looking out the window. He’s dead. It was just that my buried memory of the poem influenced how I interpreted the moonlight I perceived and how I saw the earth, trees, and bushes. I was clearly in a dream intoxicated state. But last night, a different vision occurred. The moon met and befriended the poet. For a second or two, the thing seen met the act of seeing and became the seer…

 

*To read the whole piece, please go to The Good Man Project. 

The Republican Party is Evil Beyond Redemption– A Letter from A Friend

A friend, Alan, sent me the following post as a letter, and I decided to share it with you. It is his piece, his conclusions, and research, and very timely. Please consult his links if you question his conclusions.

 

The Republican Party is Evil Beyond Redemption

by

Alan Silverman

 

It is difficult to quantify evil. I will try.

 

Richard Nixon won the Presidency of the United States by convincing South Vietnam not to sign a peace treaty ending the Vietnam War. He then extended the war four more years, murdering millions more human beings. Finally, he abandoned American prisoners of war to die in Southeast Asia.

 

[See articles on Nixon’s treason at politico.com,  millercenter.org. SmithsonianArticle]

[Schanberg article on Nixon abandoning our POWs in Vietnam]

 

I’m seventy five years old. DJT’s January 6 insurrection is the third confirmed treason by a Republican President in my lifetime. Reagan’s Iran treason being a possible fourth.

 

The second treason was when the Bush administration outed CIA officer Valerie Plame to punish her husband for saying George W. Bush was lying to justify invading Iraq. Pure simple undeniable treason. Bush, Rove and Chaney took so many morally indefensible actions; it’s easy to overlook Valerie Plame. It shouldn’t be. It highlights Bush’s disastrous decision to invade Iraq while the Afghan War still hadn’t been won.

 

First and worst was Nixon’s treason to win the 1968 Presidential election. Worse than Trump’s insurrection because they botched it. Richard Nixon’s worked to perfection.

 

Through an intermediary Nixon approached the South Vietnamese delegation to the Paris Peace talks and talked them out of signing the peace accords. He told them he would give them a better deal than the Democrats.

 

Theorized for decades, now proven by tape recordings. Nixon made the offer, the South Vietnamese broke off negotiations, Nixon won the election and the Vietnam War continued four more years, killing millions more human beings and further tarnishing America’s image in the world.

 

Nixon also knowingly left perhaps a thousand American prisoners of war in the hands of our enemies. Not many people know about this because an official government investigation in 1991 said there weren’t any POWs left behind. By that time neither party wanted to know otherwise.

 

I found this out in an interesting way. After retiring from IBM I opened my own PC consulting business. Syd was a customer of mine. One night he called me and said he lost an entire article on his computer. Not unusual considering my client base. I once found a novel in an author’s recycle bin. Finding Syd’s article wasn’t that easy, but I was able to recover it for him. He was appreciative.

 

That article was about how Nixon abandoned our POWs in Vietnam and knew it. I immediately flashed to the Russian roulette scene in The Deer Hunter. Hell of a thing to read at one in the morning, dead tired.

 

Syd died in 2016. I knew Nixon had probably committed treason in an attempt to win the 1968 election. I never knew he succeeded. The South Vietnamese pulled out of negotiations shortly before the election to help Nixon win.

 

Being a computer scientist, I am very logical. Please read the following and see if it makes sense to you:

 

“Richard Nixon won the Presidency of the United States by convincing South Vietnam not to sign a peace treaty ending the Vietnam War. He then extended the war four more years, murdering millions more innocent human beings. Finally he abandoned our warriors, American prisoners of war, to die in Southeast Asia.”

 

That is undeniable evil. Evil without justification. Evil in intent and outcome. Nixon’s treason betrayed the men and women who fought for America, killed millions of human beings and altered our world’s path to something far worse.

 

DJT didn’t make the Republican Party evil. Since 1968 the Republican Party has been led by amoral psychopaths who don’t give a damn about other human beings, start wars for no reason and cheated on Democracy until they destroyed it.

 

Individual Republicans can be decent human beings. They cannot be moral human beings because their leaders are evil.

 

Every moral human being must vote for every Democratic candidate in every election until 2025 at least. That gives humanity a chance.

 

My profound thanks,

Alan

 

Alan Silverman protested the Vietnam War at the 1968 Democratic Convention. He later graduated with a degree in computer science and worked at IBM as a system programmer. Still later Al met New York Times journalist Sydney Schanberg, who won the Pulitzer Prize in 1976 for reporting on the Cambodian Genocide. The movie “The Killing Fields” is based on Schanberg’s life.

 

 

The Bear, the Raccoon, and the Hawk

It’s been eight to ten days of “firsts.” Last week, we woke up to find a hawk, with a bleeding chipmunk in its claws, sitting on a branch of the old apple tree outside the front door. That was a first.

 

A few days later, after midnight, a raccoon came in the second-floor cat window to the bedroom. We only knew it was there because one of our cats stood up on the bed and loudly hissed, waking us up. My wife and I got up and yelled at the coon. It climbed back out the window and we ran out the front door pursuing it, trying to frighten it enough so it wouldn’t return

 

The most dramatic and surprising visitor was the bear. Black bears are not unknown to the area. We had bird-feeders destroyed by bears in the past but only saw the mangled feeders left behind. But at 8:15 am this morning, with the sun shining behind it, we saw a bear cuddling a bird-feeder in the yard of our house.

 

Years ago, I had had nightmares about bears breaking into the house. And here one was, walking toward the apple tree where the hawk had rested just a few days earlier, and where the bird feeder had once rested. No nightmare, just fascination. All I thought about was preserving the moment, finding the camera, and taking pictures. I went from window to window looking for good angles for photos.

 

The bear seemed so soft when I studied it, so— not human, yet not that different. A cousin in the animal world and a fellow mammal. It had an inquisitive face and wasn’t afraid to look up at the window where I stood with the camera. It was driven more by thirst for food, for seeds dropped by birds from the feeder, then by watching us.

 

But when it walked right up to the front door, stood up on its hind legs, and reached out as if to knock on the door or knock out the window⎼ everything changed. My wife started shouting at it and banged her fists against the wall. I ran out the side door with 2 metal bars and started hitting them together making a wonderful clanging sound. The bear disappeared so fast we didn’t perceive where it went. It was like it was never here⎼ except for the photos, memories, and mangled bird-feeder. Too bad we didn’t take a picture of it at the door.

 

What should we make of this event? Clearly, the human and non-human are meeting more often than expected, not that the human world was ever separate from the rest of nature. But we humans are spreading everywhere. The realms where non-humans could live without our interference are getting smaller and rarer.

 

Many primatologists, zoologists and others have speculated that wild creatures like bears live immersed in the world of trees, bees, rivers, fish, rain, as well as other bears, just like we are immersed in sunshine, buildings, cars, technology, religions, politics, history, and other humans. Their world is one of more direct sensation. Ours, more abstracted, languaged, filled with our human imagination and thus with time, plans, and worries.

 

So, what happens when a bear lives so close to humans? Does it develop worries? Does it suddenly want to wear a watch and listen to the weather report? …

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.