Feeling More Comfortable with Aging: Maybe If We Stop Fighting Ourselves Our Lives Might Not Seem to Pass as Quickly

All through my life, I felt I would continuously get better at doing things. With practice, I’d improve in sports, or writing, carpentry, cooking⎼ whatever I set my mind and body to do. Maybe most of us feel this way. Practice improves performance. But this is no longer true for me, at least not with physical skills and activities.

 

I had in the past assumed that if I had a pain, it was temporary. And if I treated it kindly, wisely, and went to consult a doctor or some form of healer, it would eventually go away. No longer. Pains appear and do not always go away. They change all the time, but do not disappear forever.

And meanwhile, time, life can go by too fast. Aging is changing.

 

The older we get, the faster our days, weeks, lives seem to disappear behind us; or the speed at which our life passes is directly proportional to our age. This seems to be a syndrome that plagues all (or most?) of us as we age. Maybe we should call it the aging time syndrome.

 

I first heard about it in a college philosophy class. The professor said it was often used as an argument against the existence of an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent creator. How could a beneficent God allow time to speed up for us as we got closer to death?

 

Why it happens is not understood. Is it caused by a slowing down in our ability to process information so we can’t keep up with time passing? Or is it because aging means we have more memories of old moments to shorten our habitation of the new? I don’t know.

 

But the more I think about it, the more it becomes clear that what happens is not that the present goes by faster. We still have moments that can seem to last forever. What happens, I think, is that as we age, the past gets larger quicker. We look back and suddenly feel the day, the week, the decade⎼ they were here one moment, and too quickly, they’re gone.

 

Is this sense of the past getting larger quicker an inherited alarm clock? An inborn prompt that evolved to teach us to live the last years or moments we have left more fully?

 

Last night, I discovered new twists in an old exercise. At 3:30 am, after pain woke me up and I had trouble getting back to sleep, I decided to return to window watching, a practice I had begun earlier this year. But I changed it a bit and discovered new applications for it.

 

Instead of gazing out the window to simply notice the beauty of the world, I took a breath and then looked to see what before I might have missed. I asked the night what beauty is here that in recent times had eluded me? What had I never verbalized to myself or others, or never felt? Or: what can I perceive now because of what I had noticed before? I looked outside; then closed my eyes and visualized the scene in my mind. Then l opened my eyes and looked again….

 

*To read the whole article, please click on this link to The Good Men Project.

 

When the Sky Clears, What Is It We See? The Bird Danced on the Roof Top, Saluting Sky, and the Emptiness in Which It Flies and We All Live

Last week, my wife and I were walking down our rural road when we noticed a large bird enter the space above our heads and circle lazily. Then a second arrived, and a third. Probably Turkey Vultures, magnificent in flight. And suddenly, all three were just gone. We didn’t see where they went.

 

At first, we felt the sky as empty, emptied of birds, lacking. But as we looked more fully, what before was merely background became something else, something more. We saw in full clarity the deep blue beauty of the clear afternoon sky. Not only the sky had cleared, but our minds.

 

The great poet and translator, David Hinton, in his book Hunger Mountain: A Field Guide to Mind and Landscape, said when we open our eyes, we open the sky inside us. We feel this empty space the size of the universe.

 

A Chinese poem, says Hinton, is not a metaphor seen or conjured from inside a spirit or identity center, or a self-separated from the universe, but the mind of the poet at that moment. Hinton quotes an early Chinese Ch’an (Zen) poet, Hsieh Ling-yun, as saying mind is “a tranquil mirror, all mystery and shadow.”

 

The sky mirrors our conscious awareness coming awake in, or more accurately, as the world. We often think of the sky as that blue or cloud filled something far off in the distance. But it’s also what we breathe in and out right here; what we move though each moment of our lives. We see and breathe in the world and the world sees and breathes in us.

 

And then the birds were back; first one, then the other two. They circled gracefully into the area above us. One went to sit on the ridgeline of a barn next to the road. The other two soon joined the first, but at the other end.  And the first raised its wings, held them out to the side as it would do if it meant to take off. But it stayed in place, in a different sort of flight.

 

Was this a mating dance? Or was it saluting the sky, the emptiness, the medium in which it flew, and we all lived? Was it bowing? For us, we might bow by first bringing our open hands together; for the vulture, it bowed by opening its wings out. Hinton says the ancient Chinese characters for bow mean hand-whispers, or maybe hand as the silence of mountain peaks, or clear minds. Maybe by opening its wings thusly it became the sky itself, the light, the silence.

 

We watched to see what the vulture would do next, but it just held the position. The three birds, my wife and I, the barn, the universe. And we walked on. The opening through which the universe was aware of itself walked on….

 

*To read the whole article, please click on this link to The Good Men Project.

 

**The photo of the Buzzard Dance was taken on our walk.

Since DJT was in Office, the Political Universe Has Felt Unhinged. Maybe, Now, this is Changing: Dusk Now Has Its Sibling, A New Morning, Back

Not being able to watch DJT’s arraignment on tv, moment-by-moment, was a bummer. His legal team argued news cameras in the courtroom would create a “circus-like” atmosphere. It’s a circus-like atmosphere whenever DJT is speaking. Media organizations counter-argued that the gravity of the situation warranted full public access. The judge did allow five news-pool still photographers to snap pictures.

 

I would’ve liked to see images of him fingerprinted, for example⎼ although I could also see the value in a different viewpoint, that maybe the best thing to do is to sideline the event, sideline him, as Dahlia Lithwick argues in an article in Slate. Let him whither from lack of attention and let most of the rest of us focus on taking constructive actions to advance democracy.

 

The violence that some predicted, and that DJT himself tried to incite with calls of death and destruction, gladly did not happen. The pro-DJT morning rally was maybe 100 – 150 people, not anything in size or intent as what happened on Jan. 6. MSNBC reported that Marjorie Taylor Greene and George Santos briefly attended the rally. Greene had helped plan the rally but left quickly due to the loud noise and protests that mostly drowned out the few comments or lies she was able to utter.

 

But indicting DJT for crimes a preponderance of evidence demonstrates he allegedly committed was itself an action that advanced democracy. It had a profound effect on me, and maybe on much of the human world. It was emotional and political, but also something else; cosmological, maybe. Certainly ethical. It was about resurrecting a sense that the earth itself is spinning as it should. That cause and effect still work together.

 

Some would claim what I feel is just a yearning for revenge, but I don’t feel that very much. I feel that what DJT did, repeatedly, is shock us. To shock and use against us our sense of rightness, justice, and truth; empathy, and compassion.

 

He’s tried to shock us into seeing the world as a duality of good and evil and then rip away one side of it, so we feel the world unbalanced, unhinged, and ourselves powerless, or that no power in us can stop him. Or that he is the absolute power, not only above the law but above the very workings of nature. He used lies not just to hide the truth but to make truth impossible to argue. Or to focus so strongly on one side of the coin, one side of humanity, the back, so all we see is the backside of humanity.

 

So, when he was led to the courthouse, the unbalanced world was returned to some sense of balance. What was unhinged was now hinged to a sense of order. Dusk now had its sibling, a new morning, back. He wasn’t put in handcuffs or subjected to mugshots. But power had, in our eyes, been somewhat restored, not only to the legal system but to our sense of rightness.

 

The trial will be about DJT trying to cover up and mis-characterize in his business and tax records his payoffs to two women he had affairs with (and to one doorman who had knowledge of a secret DJT child) so news of the affairs and other negative information would not de-rail the 2016 election. In other words, he engaged in an illegal conspiracy to aid his campaign and undermine the integrity of the election⎼ and he did this in October, right before the election.

 

DJT and his GOP followers claim this indictment is a political action, created by Democrats. But Michael Cohen, DJT’s fixer, was charged by DJT’s own Department of Justice in 2018 for making these payments and falsifying his actions. Cohen pleaded guilty, the DOJ and judge accepted the plea and sentenced him to jail time. The Justice Department did not, however, charge DJT himself but showed that he had directed Cohen’s actions. So, it’s not George Soros or President Biden who initiated this case, but DJT’s own people.

 

What I and so many others are concerned about is that this is one of the lesser of his many crimes, and possibly the most difficult to prove. It would be better for advancing democracy and the rule of law if the results of the investigation into DJT’s efforts to steal the 2020 election and proclaim himself dictator, by Fulton County, Georgia, DA, Fani Willis, for example, (or the DOJ or special counsel Jack Smith) are released soon and possible charges made public. That is a clearly potent charge. And, hopefully, other indictments, a veritable avalanche of charges and evidence would soon follow.

 

Democracy is not efficient. Rule by law is not instantaneous. Fascist Dictator Mussolini claims to have made the trains of Italy run on time, but this is not totally true. Most of the changes to the Italian rail industry took place before he was in power. Mob rule can make instantaneous decisions, but few of us would like to be around when they do so.

 

We need to be glad democracy takes time to mete out justice⎼ although in this case, taking too much time might allow the GOP to further undermine the institutions of democracy itself and replace fair trials with political shows. So, we need not only a fair trial and conviction, if warranted, but one conviction after another, and this year: one example after another of justice and the power of “we the people”.

 

Now, if only the judge, Juan Merchan, would admonish DJT more fully, and hold him responsible for the threats and attacks⎼ not only against himself, but the Manhattan DA, Alvin Bragg, Democrats everywhere, and even against DJT’s former followers, like Bill Barr, who have spoken against him.

 

Over the last two election cycles, we, and so many others, have become sick of the chaos and hate DJT and the GOP manipulate, the threats to our rights and democracy. And we’re more motivated than ever to take action to stop the establishment of autocracy⎼ and to promote a fair democracy. This and the other trials to come will hopefully continue that effort.

 

 

 

Window Watching and Sky Gazing: Attention that Heals

It’s been hard for so many people to get a good sleep at night lately, or to feel at ease during the day. I still wake up 3 or more times a night, mostly for issues common to aging, although there’s nervousness about all the threats in our world today lurking in the background. But how we respond to any event, and the quality of attention we give each moment, shapes the quality of our life overall.

 

A few weeks ago, I wrote about waking up in the middle of the night and noticing the beauty of moonlight outside my very rural home. Or of distant city lights etching tree limbs against the gray sky⎼ or turning parked cars into mysterious, almost animal shapes. And I’d like to report that when sleep is interrupted and I do this looking-out-the-window practice, intently looking for the beauty that is there, my nights have been more engaging. I’ve become a connoisseur of darkness, a night watcher studying what is seen.

 

I look forward to the moment of looking. And even the pain and other issues that wake me have become more interesting⎼ or less annoying. Even my dreams have taken up this practice. Last night, my dream-self said that instead of window washing, I was window watching.

 

And I’ve become a night listener. Like a bird watcher searching for a rare bird or one we love, we can listen for any rare sound to focus on for study. There are few loud sounds at night near my home. Yet, no matter where we live, we can listen to the sounds of the neighborhood, the city, or the forest, for example, as if there was a concert going on outside the window. Or we can listen for trees bending, people talking, cars honking, or leaves spinning in the wind. We watch and listen for the beauty, for patterns, for interconnections.

 

We can do this not only at night, but all through the day. Sleeping and dreaming help us integrate one day’s thoughts and happenings into a fresh, new morning. The past creates the ground of the present.

 

Of course, at night, sometimes there is no moon or distant city lights, and our windows become holes into nothing. I like that less, but can study how even emptiness, and my not liking, feels. We often imagine nothingness as a distant event, or thing. But what are we seeing when we notice a hole in our knowing now?

 

We can also watch the sky during the day. Many of us continually look down, narrowing our attention and reinforcing self-concern. Looking up and out into the distance can spread our awareness, open us up, let us take in more.

 

One of my favorite books is the classic Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings, compiled by Paul Reps and Nyogen Senzaki. The first story in the collection is about a university professor visiting a Zen Master named Nan-in. The professor could be anyone full of their own opinions, and sure that what they think is true is the one and only truth.

 

The professor asks Nan-in about Zen. In response, the Master invites the professor in for tea. After they sit and the tea is ready, Nan-in pours the visitor’s cup full and keeps on pouring. The professor gets nervous while watching and exclaims, “It’s overfull. No more will go in.”

 

You, too, are overfull⎼ of opinions, not tea, says Nan-in. “How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

 

It’s not just when or where we look, but how. …

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.