Sometimes, We Want a Do-Over: When We Are Present Enough, Mindful Enough, Maybe Every Moment Will Be Enough

Don’t we all, at some time in our lives, want a re-take, a do-over? To take back something said in haste? To re-take an exam? Be more aware of a threat coming at us so we can know better how to face or prevent it? Learn from a mistake before it’s made?

 

Such is the premise behind Mitch Albom’s book Twice: A Novel. What If You Got to Do Everything in Your Life⎼Again? A story that awakens us to the power of love, time, and each moment of life. It’s a strangely compelling book.

 

It’s also a very American novel, even though a short but important portion takes place in Kenya. It starts with public school, sports teams, young love, the pressure to be accepted for who we are, to fit in. The main character, Alfred, or Alfie inherits from his mother the gift of being able to re-take a moment of life. All he has to do is whisper to himself “twice” and he’s back in the morning before. But it’s not the word itself that does it. It’s the reality of the wish, or intention. The gift allows him to fight bullies, win friends, and pass tests, academic or otherwise.

 

The night I started reading the book I wound up spending hours dreaming it. I inhabited the story. In the novel, Alfie’s mother dies when he’s young and he can’t save her. He must grow up living only with his father, who forever misses his wife. She was in my dreams that night. Alfie has a best friend named Wesley who dies young after joining the marines. Wesley was in my dreams.

 

So, there are limits to the power. It can’t change the time of someone’s death. And when Alfie falls in love, he only gets one chance at getting that person to love him back. And there are negatives; if we think we can re-do a moment of life, moments can seem less precious. We might not commit to them, and we live at more of a distance from ourselves and others. Alfie realizes we pay closer attention to life when it’s lived in the present tense.

 

When I was teaching high school, one of my classes was called Questions. It was a philosophy class, and students were asked to inquire into the deepest questions they were willing to share. The first question of the year always concerned death⎼ how to face it, how to help others facing it, what did different philosophies and religions say about it, “why” is there death, etc. One of the books we often read was the bestselling memoir of all time, Albom’s Tuesday’s With Morrie: An Old Man, A Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson. Being a teen means living a search for authenticity; Morrie met the criteria.

 

When Albom was a young man in college, Morrie Schwartz was his sociology professor. One night, years after graduating, years after not seeing his old professor, he watched Ted Koppel’s Nightline on tv. The guest was Morrie. The topic: Morrie was dying from ALS. After seeing this, Mitch decides to visit his old professor. They re-kindle their relationship, with Morrie once again as Mitch’s teacher, or coach. He gets a second chance to ask the biggest questions. They establish a new curriculum: of life, death, love and meaning⎼ and how to live with silence. Morrie had offered himself up for 14 Tuesdays as a living lesson in dying. His funeral was the final exam.

 

Alfie’s grandmother, Ya Ya, is in a nursing home for much of the novel. It’s a sad place. The residents can do little except wait for death. Alfie can’t say “twice” and stop her from aging. We all age; if we get to live until we’re considered “senior” citizens, we get the opportunity to expand our sense of self….

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Man Project.

Acting So We and Our World Awaken Together: Patience is Powerful

We all know we’re living through one of the craziest, most dangerous times in recent or maybe all of human history. I keep asking myself, what am I missing? What more could I do? Where is it all going?

 

We understand mostly by placing one moment in the context of time and memory, by discerning implications and possible futures. But so many of the possible futures being predicted by the news, social and intellectual media are too dismal to consciously consider. Maybe we can help change the future we are seeing by changing how we think about the   present we are living.

 

I am drawn here to a book I mentioned in an earlier blog, The Socrates Express: In Search of Life Lessons from Dead Philosophers, by Eric Weiner, and his chapters on two philosophers not often paired together: Simone Weil and Mahatma Gandhi.

 

The chapter on Simone Weil is about “How to Pay Attention.” Our culture is hooked on speed⎼ and speed, according to Weil, is the enemy of attention, careful consideration, and even joy. Due to the speedy pace of our lives, we can lose so much. We can get caught in, addicted to this repeating cycle, speeding up to catch what is speeding by. And what makes this even worse is the pandemic, added to the injustices, lies, shocks and constant chaos manipulated by DJT and his allies to undermine our sense of stability and our belief in democracy.

 

Desiring is not the problem. The problem with desire is that we can lose ourselves in it, lose even the object we desire in the desiring itself. It robs our attention. A heroin addict doesn’t crave heroin, Weil argues, but the experience of having it. Even more then heroin, the addict craves the relief of the mental and physical agony of not having it. Buddhist teacher, author, philosopher David Loy explained that desire, craving can cause us to feel we are lacking, wrong, powerless, or deficient.

 

The Latin roots of patient are suffering and endurance. When we are more patient, we feel stronger, more in control. We can endure even suffering, and find ourselves happier, clearer in mind, calmer in heart. We can be present in the moment, and thus feel more open to what might come.

 

And then we pay better attention to what or who happens. Weil shows us that inattention is in fact selfishness. When impatient, we reduce others to what we can get from them. When patient, others are fellow travelers who teach us about our own journey.

 

When impatient, we focus on the fruits and yoke action to results. When patient, we make progress even if there are no visible fruits.

 

And how do we fight, now, for our rights, our freedom, and our world?

Gandhi was the father of the movement to free India from British rule and establish an independent nation. He believed he must try to root out the disease of oppression even if it meant suffering hardship himself….

 

*To read the whole article, click on this link to The Good Men Project.