The Power of a New Word: Hearing the Silence in Which Now Is Born

I just learned a new word. It’s new not only to me but to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary and possibly many of us. According to the online Word Daily site, it was created by a German writer named John Koenig, as part of their book called “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows,” released in 2021. Before it was a book, it was an online website and YouTube channel. Did you know of this? The book includes a collection of words Koenig coined to express a variety of emotions, not just sorrows, but for which he thought no word existed.

 

The word is ‘sonder.’ It means “the realization and understanding that all other people have lives as complex as one’s own.” Wow; as complex, and let’s add as valuable, as painful, as full of worries and wonder. A realization that just as we ourselves have an inner world filled with contradictions, so does everyone else. We all feel and love and dream.

 

When we’re in a traffic jam, we feel sonder when we see these other people in the cars next to us and feel, wow, they’re as complex as I am. They’re rushing to work or the hospital or a lover, feeling anxiety or fear or anticipation, or all three. The word might’ve been inspired by the French ‘sonder’ meaning “to measure the depth of.” We measure the depth of those we see and hear; we measure our own depth by recognizing that of others. What great power we can unfold with such a word!

 

According to Wikipedia, Sonder is also the name of a music album by an American pop-band, and the name of an American neo-soul group. Koenig says that “most of what we feel goes unspoken for lack of a word” to realize, express, or ripen it.

 

As I get older, I feel a newly realized appreciation for words. And I guess I feel sonder towards so many of my fellow agers who, like me, are finding it more difficult to remember words we once spoke readily. Maybe this sounds like a stereotype, but it’s reality for so many of us. Words that once danced easily out of our mouths now hide and we can feel bereft over the loss. We’re left with frustration— and then silence. Yet, it’s how we respond to the silence that most effects who we are and will be.

 

Sometimes, a conversation with my wife becomes an opportunity for pantomime and guessing games. I stand up and mime partially sitting with my arms held out in front of me grasping air and ask her, “What is that word? I know it begins with a ‘b’ and it names something with 2 wheels we can ride.”

 

Each of us has our own memories, connotations that reach beyond common meanings. Likewise, every language is its own world, or embodies a different perspective on the universe, so each has words that others miss.

 

For example, according to philosopher Alan Watts in his book The Way of Zen, there are 4 words espousing a perspective unique to the Japanese language and expressing moods characteristic of Japanese poetry. Some of the words have close English approximations but with unique twists. The moods are, in Japanese, sabi, wabi, aware (a-wa-re), and yugen. Sabi is when we get quiet and feel detached from our usual concerns; we feel a quiet isolation. Poet Lucien Stryck said sabi is the recognition of beauty in asymmetry, imperfection, and the yearning to go beyond a superficial understanding.

 

Wabi is often linked with sabi. It’s a sense of simplicity, purity, and sincerity. Watts said it’s the poignant appreciation of what others call common. We catch a glimpse of the ordinary in its “incredible suchness.” The mood can arise when we feel sad or depressed and we notice the uselessness of many of our concerns. Stryck said wabi is the feeling of something previously ignored now seen as precious….

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.

When It’s Hot Like This: The Many Layers We Wear, of Fear, Anger, and Hope

The US has never substantively faced the reality of Climate Change. But, since the first Earth Day and Nixon, we at least had a functioning EPA. No longer. And it wasn’t too long ago, certainly before DT first came to haunt the White House, that Climate Change was on the forefront of news headlines. Even in 2019, during his first administration, I remember the excitement created when 16-year-old Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg told a House committee hearing, “I don’t want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to the scientists… and take real action” on global warming. But then COVID and the attempted coup, wars, and so much craziness.

 

Now, DT is doing everything to wipe climate heating from our minds. For example, he’s scrubbed any references to climate change from the websites of the Department of State, Defense, Agriculture, Transportation, Energy, Environmental Protection, and of course the White House. He chose Lee Zeldin to lead the EPA, who has since then been working to de-fang and unstaff the agency, and degrade environmental protections.

 

I’m not a scientist. I haven’t been involved lately in large scale efforts to safeguard our climate and environment. But I take smaller actions. And I know it’s been extremely hot. I know it’s not just the temperature, but heat wrapped in humidity making our weather so uncomfortable and too often deadly. In Europe, so many heat records are being shattered. In France for example, a top-level Red Alert was issued for most of the country, with one town recording a reading of 110.84 Fahrenheit. Since June 21,1300 deaths across Europe have been attributed to heat stress, which has been called ‘the silent killer.’

 

According to John Kennedy, head of climate information at the World Meteorological Organization, since 1976 Europe has warmed at an alarming rate of 2 degrees, twice as fast as any other continent. Kennedy added that with climate changing as quickly as this, extreme heat and other destructive weather events are expected at increasing frequency.

 

I think most of us know we humans are destroying the ability of our planet to feed, house, and sustain us. And we know such events are happening in the US, too. For the July 4th weekend, much of the central and eastern US will experience temperatures from 90-100 degrees, with it “feeling like” 110. In my rural town in the Finger Lakes of NY, this week we’re getting 4 – 5 very humid days in a row of mid 90s to100 degrees, with a heat index close to 110 degrees. This is our second heatwave this year, and summer has just begun. I’m really wishing the air-conditioning in my car hadn’t broken.

 

And we’re all in this together. Outside, I feel not only the heat and humidity, but another layer on top of that, of fear and grief, of anger over the willful ignorance and greed perpetrated by our culture, and our present leaders. The dismantling of the EPA and environmental protections as mentioned earlier not only increases the risk of extreme weather but endangers our health in many ways, for example by increasing cancer-causing pollution. Yet, as reported by The Hill, DT has delivered hundreds of billions of dollars in tax breaks and subsidies to oil companies in exchange for their political support.

 

And doing little to stop environmental destruction is also a financial nightmare. The International Chamber of Commerce reports that globally, over the last ten years, extreme weather has cost us over $2 trillion. And it’s getting worse; over the last 2 years alone it’s cost $451 billion, a 19% increase over the previous 8 years. NOAA estimates that between 1980 and 2024 the US sustained 403 extreme weather events where overall damage costs exceeded $1 billion. Lately, wildfires and harsh storms have pushed insurance costs significantly higher. And this does not include the deaths, emotional pain, and disruption of lives.

 

It’s so difficult to wear any of these layers. It freaks me out; it freaks out so many of us. It’s difficult to talk about or even think about. But the only way to slow down the excessive heat is to speed up the willingness to acknowledge the last layer; to say as often as possible in whatever ways we can, that misinformation fueled by greed is undermining all our lives. And then act.

 

There are so many actions we can take, in our homes and personal lives, as a consumer, also as an advocate and a voter….

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.

We Have the Power: Maybe We Can’t Just “Let Go.” But Maybe We Can Stop Feeding What’s Eating Us

People tell us, “Just let go!” Or “let it go.” Let go of that thought circling continuously in our mind. Let go of that memory, that pain, that habit. Let go of the attacks we launch against ourselves. But there’s no “just let go.” We usually can’t do that. It would be wonderful if, when a hurtful thought arises, we were aware enough to “just” say “bye bye now,” and we kicked it out. Whoopee! It might be that simple for some of us; but usually, when we kick it, it kicks back.

 

It’s a hypnotic technique; if we want someone to think of something, we say “don’t think of this.” Like the famous example, “Don’t think of an elephant” and we think of an elephant. Or we tell children, don’t touch my computer and there they are at the computer.

 

And what’s worse is the expectation; the thought that it should be “just” that easy is an added weight on a weighted soul. We can carry around these selfies of expectations, of ourselves glaring at our “mistakes,” ourselves with others glaring or staring at us.

 

Instead of pushing a thought away, we can pause, stop whatever we’re doing for a second; take an easy, longer breath. And notice where we’re standing. We can’t easily stop a thought; but we can add another more aware, generous, or compassionate one. In my dreams, when something pursues me and I try to hide or turn away, the dream becomes a nightmare, the pursuer expands exponentially into a monster and chases me in a manner too terrible to see. When I face the pursuer, it shrinks and becomes just another living being to recognize. There’s great power in facing and knowing when to face our monsters.

 

One memorable insight I got from mythologist Joseph Campbell and others was that sometimes what seems threatening can be a “call” to us, to step up, try something new; and by doing so, we find ourselves. What once seemed a fright becomes something like an adventure. Writer C. K. Chesterton agreed with Campbell’s point when he wrote: “an adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.” And the bible: “For the turning away of the simple shall slay them…” Of course, sometimes, we should just turn away.

 

So, one thing that can turn thoughts into torture is letting them chase us from right now; or chase us from looking into what’s living in and around us. We might think the thought itself, and the object of thought carries the whole package of hurt. However, the loss of a moment, of clear seeing, hurts. The running hurts. The negative verdict on ourselves binds and blinds us. It’s how we respond to events or news that matters most. There’s great power, perspective, and freedom in spending time to clearly consider how we respond. Maybe we can’t just “let go.” But maybe, maybe we can stop feeding what’s eating us.

 

And some things we’re not always ready to face. In that case, being caring of ourselves is perfect. All of us have such times, such traumas or hurts. And noticing as much as we possibly can, in that moment, whatever is there for us, with caring and compassion is such a gift. No expectations, just noticing. Such kindness opens us; being judgmental closes us.

 

Instead of being absorbed by an emotion, we can use our attention to “just” notice it. We can break apart what plagues us by noticing what the sensations are and where they‘re located. We can name the quality of feeling and the volume. We can, of course, also talk with others about them, say what we feel safe to say, or say what’s just a little bit beyond safe; or say what feels right. By noticing what feels right and honest in ourselves, and what is right and honest in relating to others is great power. Instead of trying to be a hero in anyone else’s dream, be honest in ours….

 

*To read the whole article, please go to The Good Men Project.